Amish Stalker

(This related an incident that occurred back in March of 2009)

***

OK, so maybe he's a Mennonite, but same beard and hat. He's driving a Dodge Ram and pulling a horse trailer. As I follow along behind, I notice that his right rear trailer tire is wobbling a good bit. As I watch, large chunks of rubber start to hurtle toward me at high velocity, pelting my windshield and grill, forcing me to back off. His tire starts to smoke, the tread comes flying off, and over the course of the next few miles, he loses all the remaining rubber. He is now running on rim, and I'm trying hard to get his attention. I flash my lights repeatedly, pull up alongside him, make circular motions, point at his trailer, mouth repeatedly that his tire has shuffled off the mortal coil, and he smiles at me like some goofy halfwit, waves mightily, and looks back ahead. I finally pass him and pull over. He thunders on by as I motion at him.

How the hell do you not realize you're driving on rim?

I take off again, start flashing him again, get pelted by crap kicked up from the side of the road as the trailer veers back and forth. I pull up next to him, try telling him again, because I figure he will soon bite into pavement and flip the trailer and maybe the truck. Now he just smiles and waves at the crazy man making monkey antics, looking for all the world like he's trying to figure out what to do about the lunatic following him. I'm forced to back off, because I'm in a no passing zone, and there's oncoming traffic.

At this point, I imagine he reaches for his cell phone, realizes his choice of ideology has gutted his options in a road crazy/rob/steal/cannibal murder situation, and hopes desperately that I'll go away.  He veers off the highway onto a side road at about 50 mph, and I decide to say the hell with it. I continue home, deciding that he'll figure it out when he wrecks.

You try to do something nice for someone, and all it gets you is a surreal afternoon and the delight of knowing that all you achieved for your efforts was a soiled pair of handcrafted Amish (Mennonite, for you purists) undergarments.