I Hate this Time of Year

I do. I fucking hate it. I like snow, but it never snows. It just rains, and it's cold, and it freezes at night, and driving in this state means taking your life in your hands.

It's also December, and every idiot yahoo and yokel that normally only pokes his/her head out on random occasions, is out trying to buy shit they don't need and can't afford, so that even going to the damn dollar store or Wal-Mart takes ironclad impulse control. Anything less, and I start stabbing people in the sternum with a Bic pen, liberated from beside the checkout counter and the Ped-Eggs. Or start shooting my way to the front of the line with a sporting goods section, Remington 12 gauge pump full of spearmint tic-tacs and hatred.

I had to go to Wal-Mart, in the pouring rain, because I had to pick up a script, and I had to return the $50 PoS heater that I bought on the night of Dinner and a Movie hell. I was almost halfway there, when I entered into a steep and deep curve, that is banked bassackwards, because the fucking road engineers don't understand that the wrong angle is bad. Bad, because it tries to launch you into a field or waiting ravine. I started to hydroplane at 35, and I was sliding and fishtailing, heading right into the path of an oncoming car. I thought, "Well, this is going to suck hard, real quick." But at the last possible second, I caught traction and managed to not sideswipe the guy. Kudos to me.

I got into town, and the jackass 2 cars ahead of me decided to stop short, put on his blinker and make a turn at the bottom of a hill, and even though my brakes were working, I just kept sliding down the hill. After the antilocks rattled for a bit, and I slid sideways, I narrowly avoided rear ending the guy in front of me. A grenade would have come in handy. I had already watched a silly bitch drive the wrong way out a one-way drive earlier, and I was rapidly losing my patience with the motoring public. Nearly having a head on didn't help.

I get to Wal-Mart, and the heater isn't in their system. They don't sell it. He asks me if I bought it at that Wal-Mart, and I tell him I bought it while I was out of town. They finally give me a general merchandise sticker, and let me go to customer service. Which takes no time, and they give me my money back. Wow. That was easy. I go to the prescription counter.

There is a line, people who have obviously been waiting quite a while, 1 register that nobody is operating, half a dozen people behind the counter ignoring this fact, and 1 woman holding up the whole department, waiting to check out a large jar of Fleet Glycerin Suppositories, and yapping on the phone to someone about how she should continue this process. I am just about ready to tell her that she wouldn't need the suppositories, if she'd only pull the stick out of her rather sizable ass, and ask someone behind the counter why none of them seem to know how to run the other fucking register, when the lady finally gets off the phone, and one of the other employees finally decides she might check someone out. Ass pill lady turns to leave, and I literally flinch. It looked like Tammy Faye Bakker had been fired from a cannon, head first into a pekingese dog. And a large black beauty mark drawn on to add emphasis. Ugh, and pass the Pepto Bismol. I finally got checked out, and I went to get my new heater.

I took my new purchase to the front, and only having one item, attempted to go to the Express Checkout. There's 4 of them, 2 of them occupied by cashiers, but their lights are out. There are no express lanes open. So I get in the next available lane, which has 2 people ahead of me. One guy who has 2 bags of chips, and another, who only has a pack of AA batteries. Sweet! I lucked out, and I don't have to wait in a long ass checkout line full of Christmas shoppers! Wrong.

The cashier is far more interested in bullshitting with her counterpart in the next lane, and regailing her with stories of the work day. It took her forever to scan 2 bags of chips, and she didn't even look at them, or the register, as she did it. When she finished ringing him up, she took the next guy's batteries, started to scan them, saw someone she knew leaving the checkout area, and she promptly forgets battery guy, lays down the batteries, and starts bullshitting with her friend.

She starts asking about her daughter, who is with her, and then starts talking to the daughter. At this point, she actually WALKS THE FUCK AWAY FROM REGISTER AND LANE TO TALK TO THEM. Leaving battery guy and myself to dangle in the wind and assume a holding pattern. She finishes her conversation, comes back, and finally checks out the poor bastard's batteries. I do not speak, except to say thank you, because I know if I do, I'm going to unload on her stupid ass, and then management is going to get involved. Having once repeatedly told a bank president to fuck off, complete with elaborate hand gestures and a diatribe on America and the right to free speech, I know how ugly these situations can get, and I simply left.

After nearly being run over 2 more times on the way out of town, I decide I can't stomach stopping at Kroger, and I go home.

I then take up smoking again, at least temporarily.

Did I mention that I hate this time of year?