Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I FUCKING HATE DEBT COLLECTORS.

So, when I had to go to the ER back the end of March, I incurred about $700+ dollars in medical bills. I have other bills from the same time period, and from a couple of months later, when I had to get an MRI, see a neurologist, etc.

My insurance company tried to dick their way out of paying the hospital and doctors, saying it was a possible pre-existing condition, even though I'd never been treated for it before. It took months of fighting with them, getting the doctors to send them paperwork, and being a general asshole on my part, to finally get them to pay what they were supposed to. Then I got laid off.

It took me until almost October to get my COBRA setup and my premiums back paid. I'm making $616 a month on unemployment, paid every 2 weeks. I don't have a lot of cheddar to work with right now, and if it wasn't for the government subsidies, I wouldn't even have insurance.

So, I started paying on the remaining $200 balance at the hospital last month. I was going to make another payment tomorrow. Then I got a bill for a debt collector for the account.

I called them about it. They're called Credit $olutions. Their tagline is Bringing Dignity to Collections. So, I already know they're completely full of shit.

I talk to a woman on their end, and I ask her what the hell is going on, because I'm making payments on this debt. "What did you say?" she says. So, I repeat myself, "I said, what the hell is going on with this, because I just paid them a partial payment last month, and now I'm getting letters from you guys, and it doesn't even show the amount I've paid." I'm informed that I must have more than one account, or they would have told them about the payments. I told her that I should only have one account that I'm aware of, and it would have to be a duplicate, because they're for the same amount, and I ask if she's sure I have another account, or if she's just speculating and making shit up. She admits that she has no idea whether I have another account or not. So I tell her thanks for all the help, and I go to town to talk to the billing department at the hospital.

The hospital informs me that they apparently referred me to collection before the payment was processed. And she asks me about my insurance. I tell her that it was in limbo hell for months, because my insurance company was being a bunch of douchebags, then I got laid off and had to deal with setting up COBRA, but they should have finally paid them what they owed them. She looks it up and says that they did pay them, and that the balance was now $180 with the payment I'd made. She also said that I had no other account, and the debt letter didn't have their account number on it. That the account number they had listed was not one of theirs, so it had to be their number. "Nay," said I, "this is their account number, I don't know what the hell this is." So she tells me that there's really nothing that she can do, now that they've forwarded the account. I was going to make another payment, but she can't take my payments anymore. She tells me I'll have to call the collection agency and tell them I'm making payments on it, because that's all I can afford right now. "Yeah," I said, "because collection agencies are known for their sympathetic ear." She tells me she'll forward the payment information for last month to them, so they show I've paid it.

I then return home, and I call the collection agency again. I relay all of this to the people who Bring Dignity to Collections. They tell me that they have a more structured method of payment than the hospital. They require a credit or debit card on file.

So, I tell her that I'm not about to put my debit card on file. I also inform her that I'd be happy to make a payment by check, money order or one time debit payment, but I'm not signing up for recurring payment. She informs me that I've got no other choice, that's the only way they take payments. I relate to her again that I only get $600 a month right now, and between my insurance, medical bills and everything else I have to pay, I may only have $8 in the bank at any time, and I only get paid twice a month, and I'm never sure what day the check's going to come, so I'm not doing it. I'm not going to have them overdraft my account, cost me fees, and have to pay even more money I can't afford right now.

She tells me she understands, because many, many clients are in the same boat I'm in, but that's the only way she can take a payment. But, my payment for November now shows in her computer.

I again tell her I'll be happy to make a payment by check, money order or one time debit payment. She again tells me that the only way they'll take a payment, is if I put my debit card on file, because they can't trust clients to make payments.

This is the point where I tell her she can either take the payment I'm willing to make, or she can get bent, and not get paid at all.

"Oh, it's Casey County Hospital that won't get paid," she says, "I'll get my money."

"No, no you won't."

"Yes, we will, we'll get paid anyway."

"Uh, no, you won't, because I'll close my damn bank account, and then I'll send you a check or money order, and you can choose to cash it or not, I don't really care, because it'll show my intent to pay, and if you don't want to take my money, you don't get jack shit. I'm not dumb enough to give you permission to charge my debit card whenever you feel like it. I've been burned before. How the fuck do I know you're not just going to jerk $180.00 out of my account?"

Now, she decides that she's going to be nice and diplomatic again. And inform me of another payment option.

"Well, if you're worried about that, then you can go to Wal-Mart. They sell those green dot Visas, and you can use that for a recurring payment. Just put your payment on it every month. We can't take more off of it than you put on it."

It's nice to know that the people who bring dignity to collections don't like to advertise this fact. And that I have to do something of this nature, because I have to worry that they might try to juice me for more than I want them to.

I tell her that I already have one, and I'm willing to do that, even though they charge me fees to put money on it, because otherwise, she's shit out of luck. But she won't be getting a payment today. She's going to have to wait until I go back to Wal-Mart, which may be a few days. I also tell her I'll call her back when I have a chance to do it and get back to her, which still irritates me, because they never should have gotten my account to begin with.

So, now, instead of just mailing in my payment or stopping by the hospital, I have to go to fucking Wal-Mart and pay a fee to put my $20 payment on the card every month. Because I know, as God as my witness, that if I don't, the ghouls will just suck all their money out of my bank account, and then I'll have to check Consumer Reports for which hammer has the least amount of murderous recoil. I don't think a No. 2 pencil would be sufficient for the job.

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